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Ah, the novelty purse. Kooky, kitschy and sometimes downright bizarre, one could say that these accessories are right on brand for me (and Jared Leto, apparently). Sure, they’re not exactly practical—my Patricia Nash newspaper clutch barely holds a tampon and the vintage telephone bag I won at auction still smells like mothballs—but their whimsy also brings me a whole lot of joy. Even when they give me pause, or worse, make me cringe (yes, I am referring to the $895 diamond-encrusted Area chair bag that graced Selling Sunset star Christine Quinn’s arm in season 4, right along with that particularly hideous Edie Parker shrimp cocktail bag that somehow made it onto the Oscars 2021 red carpet), I still appreciate them for their ability to make me feel something.
It’s in that spirit that I’ve devoted my Thursday to tracking down the wildest, most batshit crazy purse designs you can buy. Sure, there will be those who can’t comprehend the purpose behind, say, a designer Joy dish soap bag, or a martini cocktail clutch, but in the words of Nikolas Bentel (aka the mastermind behind The Pasta Bag that I’m still kicking myself for not snagging), “For those of you asking, ‘Why? Why design a pasta bag?” my reply is simply, Why not?’ F*ck it. It’s a bag now.”
It’s a bag now, indeed.
Nikolas Bentel The Pasta Bag
Gucci Crystal-Embellished Heart Clutch; $8,500
Coca Cola Handbag, $45
Thom Browne Leather Cheetah Bag; $4,820
Judith Leiber Couture Martini Cocktail Clutch; $5,795
Moschino Binoculars Bag; 1,338
Mary Frances Champagne on Ice Bag; $328
What’s your dream novelty bag? Tell me in the comments below. —Xo, Nicole