We’ve officially entered the month of October, which can only mean one thing: PSL season is in full swing. Despite popular belief that the fall flavoring was invented by a group of UGG-sporting Beckys with topknots at large, it has actually been around for some odd 3,500 years — at least according to the History.com. And yet, this is the first year that I began to wonder if we aren’t taking the whole thing a bit too far.
While I won’t say a word against Pumpkin Spice Frosted Flakes or even pumpkin spice-flavored yogurt — that Noosa sh*t is a god*mn delight, truth be told! — there are a few things that I feel should remain off-limits … like, say, pet supplies. (I’m not alone, either, based on the mock ad Coca-Cola released to Twitter on Wednesday.)
An unexpected pumpkin spice sighting while standing in line at the Petco not only made me do a double take, it sparked in me an intense curiosity about what other types of batshit items the coffee trend may have inspired.
While my research found most PS goods to be contained to grocery store and makeup aisles, thereby making them (mostly) acceptable (pumpkin spice tampons and condoms aren’t actually a thing despite what you might read on the internet, FYI), there were a definitely a few odds and ends that ventured into WTF territory … which brings us to the first item on our list.
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1. Greenies Pumpkin Spice Dental Treats ($16): Apparently, we peaked with Pumpkin Spice Pringles, Pop-Tarts and Oreos, making it necessary for manufacturers to move onto dog food. That’s right, folks, your pooch can now partake in pumpkin spice season thanks to these bite-sized treats, which not only promise to “wow” your pet, but also fight plaque and tartar with their unique texture. It’s a win-win, really!
2. Espree Pumpkin Spice Shampoo and Cologne for Pets ($16): As it turns out, dog treats aren’t the only way our four-legged friends can partake in the pumpkin spice craze. There’s also an eau de parfum, of sorts, in the form of this animal-friendly pumpkin spice shampoo and cologne. Chock full of pumpkin enzymes and aloe vera, this organic blend will make Fido smell just like a pumpkin pie. Forget baking — just wash your dog!
3. Adam’s Polishes Pumpkin Spice Detail Spray ($13): The ultimate basic bitch flavor is no longer just for your coffee, friends: at least not according to Adam’s Polishes. For the low, low price of $12.99, you can also spiff up the glass, chrome, wheels, grill and trim of your car with the sweet, sweet smell of pumpkin spice while using this one-of-a-kind detail spray. Eat your heart out, Starbucks!
4. JO Pumpkin Spice Personal Lubricant ($9): ‘Cause nothing says “romance” like a bottle of seasonally-appropriate lube?
5. Stache Bomb Pumpkin Spice Mustache Wax ($12): While I’m admittedly not too familiar with the wide world of ‘stache wax (is this akin to Glossier’s Boy Brow for one’s upper lip?) I imagine this is as much of a treat for pumpkin-spice loving girlfriends and boyfriends as it is for the wearer — a sort of scent mistletoe, if you will!
6. Native Pumpkin Spice Latte Deodorant ($12): Thanks to Native, you can now apply sweet notes of pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg and clove to your underarms for a pumpkin spice scent that will stay with you all day long! The perfect gift to yourself, this aluminum-free steal is a limited edition, so you’ll want to act fast — Hey, more than 7,000 reviews can’t be wrong!
7. Tuffy Pumpkin Spice Oil Change (Priceless): Even the mechanics at Tuffy on Diversey Parkway got in on the PSL craze this year (or at the very least, pretended to), ringing in the season with a sign heralding the return of the “Pumpkin Spice oil change.” While there’s no word on whether this faux service is more expensive than the standard version, I’m sure people would pay — if it actually existed. A girl can dream. *Shrugs*
What weird ass pumpkin spice products have you seen floating around this year? Tell me in the comments below!
Xo, Nicole
