We’re smack dab in the middle of the dog days of summer, which can only mean one thing: It’s time for a new Starbucks craze!
Avid drinkers of the coffee chain might recall the taste-busters that reigned supreme in 2017, such as the Mermaid Frappucino, the Zombie Frappucino, and, who could forget, the Unicorn Frappucino. For months, however, we’ve been without an Instagram-worthy concoction to post on our feeds, and frankly, the world was overdue.
Finally, like a plentiful rain amid drought, Starbucks has come through. For the next two days only (through July 15), the Seattle-based company is offering up the next big thing in novelty beverages: the Tie-Dye Frappucino!
This multi-colored, candy-coated dream in a cup looks like something born of unicorn tears and rainbows, with distinct swirls of yellow, red, green and blue, a whipped cream topping and colored sprinkles to finish it all off.
“We wanted to create something that celebrates summer and really conveys it both visually and through flavor within the beverage,” drink designer Paloma Carrington-Bataller said in a press release. “It’s summer in a cup and something everyone can relate to; it takes you back to sunny warm days of summer spent at camp or with friends and family.”
While there’s no coffee to be found within — there’s no caffeine at all, in fact — you’re sure to get a buzz of a different kind thanks to a heavy dose of sugar, which seems to be the drink’s main ingredient apart from ice, milk, frappucino syrup and whipped cream.
I won’t make any bones about it — the nutritional facts behind this thing are goddamn appalling. For one measly grande cup, you’re looking at 58 grams of sugar. 58! Let’s put that into perspective, shall we? The American Heart Association recommends just 37.5 grams a day for men, and even less for women (25 grams). So, that’s completely f*cked.
But that’s not all: The Tie-Dye frapp also has a whopping 60 grams of carbohydrates, and 10 grams of saturated fats — that’s 50 percent of your daily allocated value.
The bottom line? This sucker’s not for the faint of heart — literally. But, if you’re willing to throw caution to the wind for a day and say to hell with it, I’ll move right along!
For starters, it’s not quite as pretty as the photo above. You’ll have to lower your expectations quite a bit as far as appearances go, since it’s not exactly Instagram-material — this one didn’t even make my feed. In fact, when mixed together, it sort of takes on a greenish brown hue with faint strands of color peeking through (see below).
The taste is also a bit unexpected. Though my tongue was fully prepared to experience something akin to a Shock Tart, there wasn’t much about this blend that was tart or sour. Do you remember those Pixy Stix you loved to guzzle down as a kid? Imagine someone blending them together with milk and crushed ice, then smothering it with whipped cream. THAT’s what the tie-dye frappucino tastes like. It’s a melted popsicle of flavor with a distinctly sugary finish. Guess Carrington-Bataller wasn’t lying when she said it would take us back to our youth!
I wanted to hate it. I really, really did. Instead, I found it … strangely addicting. The more I sucked down, the more I wanted. I knew I was slurping down pure sugar, but I just couldn’t stop. In fact, I physically had to remove the cup from my presence to avoid lapping up every last drop!
Thankfully for everyone’s waistlines, this dangerous little treat is only around for a few more days. Unless of course, they decide to extend it’s limited edition run, in which case, I’ll be real — we might have a bit of a problem on our hands.
Damn you, Starbucks. DAMN YOU!!!
