Halloween Costumes That Are the Absolute Worst

When it comes to Halloween costumes, mine have run the gamut: I’ve been through the whimsical phase with my turn as a fairytale mermaid, the scary phase (my interpretation of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas remains an all-time fave) and the pop culture phase (Wednesday Addams. Dead Nirvana cheerleader. And, of course, this year’s Jennifer Beals.) I even went through a “sexy” phase (didn’t we all in college?) Basically, I love the idea of dressing up as anything that strikes your fancy … with a few exceptions.

For all the creative, badass costumes to be found (or made!) out there, there’s always at least one that takes things from fun to WTF in a matter of seconds — one need look no further than this year’s sexy Handmaid’s Tale look for proof. And while that PR nightmare was eventually pulled, there’s still plenty left on the racks to make your eyes roll deep in the back of your head. From the classless to the offensive to the downright bizarre, a search of some of the biggest retail offenders (I’m looking at you, Yandy), yielded no less than 12 ensembles that had me saying, “I can’t” this year.

Find out what they were below!

1. Darling Prince Costume ($73): While everyone else is out here raging over Yandy’s Meghan Markle-inspired sexy American Princess Costume ($50), I’m shielding my eyes  from this uber-tacky Prince getup that would likely have the purple one rolling over in his grave. TOO SOON! 

2. Mermaid Mafia Costume ($56): Look, I’m don’t know what kind of hipster millennial felt that it was necessary to update King Triton’s look, but it’s not cool, OK? The “mermaid mafia” tee, combat boots, and starfish-crotched pants have got to go, stat. 

3. Prickly Pear Costume ($56): Apparently, this dress is supposed to transform you into some type of lovely desert cactus, but to my eyes, it just looks like a garish flight attendant uniform. I just … don’t get it. Nor do I want to.

4. Inflatable Toilet-Sitting Costume ($50): I know I shouldn’t be surprised after the Sexy Poop Emoji costume I wrote about last year (yes, really), but honestly, who asked for this? WHO?! What individual is out there going, “You know what? I’ve always wanted to dress up as a version of myself, only shitting. Now’s my chance!” And, if such a being does exist … let’s just say they’re someone I never, ever want to know. 

5. Eggplant Costume($40): Not only is this the weirdest costume idea, well, ever, the model looks so awkward and uncomfortable that I actually feel embarrassed for him. Anyone willing to throw this bad boy must be silently crying for help. Right????  

6. Money Pimp Costume($224): Pretty sure we’re *well* beyond cheeky references to pimps in 2018. Also pretty sure they’re charging per dollar printed on this costume, which, dream on, 3Wishes. 

7. Deadly Assasin Costume($30): Who knew that all that stood between us normal folk and international killing machines were a few pieces of strategically placed fabric and some red ribbon? *Insert cringe here.*

8. Sexy Deer Hunter Costume($46): Speaking of assassins, there’s really nothing “sexy” about killing helpless animals. Like, at all. It’s a hard no from me.

9. Mental Patient Costume($35): Welp, file this one under “offensive as f**k!” On the bright side, I haven’t seen any “sexy” mental patients this year … yet.

10. Smiffy’s Granny Gravity Costume($70): My eyes can never unsee this, and frankly, I’m upset about that. Too far, Smiffy’s, TOO FAR.

11. Giant Boob Costume($40): There are plenty of options out there for the toilet humor set (see: the human Super Sperm Costume($50), this men’s Inflatable Penis Costume($32) and this grossly exaggerated Wet T-Shirt Winner costume ($45))), but I think, were I to see any of these in the wild, this sole breast would provoke the biggest double take — and the most ire.

12. Presidential Pick-Me-Up Costume($60): This one’s in such poor taste that I literally have no words left. None. You’re on your own, world. I’m done here.

What’s the worst Halloween costume you’ve ever seen? Tell me below! 

Xo, Nicole